2005 Humorous Posts

Last year and this year our team uses a Yahoo Group to send messages to one another, about training runs, fundraisers, social events, questions about injuries, etc. Here are some messages I posted last year that got a few laughs, hope you like them:

Running Related Cleaning Tips

When you have clothes strewn across your bedroom floor, both clean and dirty, and you have doubts as to whether or not you just ran a half marathon in a particular pair of running shorts, I just learned the hard way that it is not a good idea to make the determination by taking the shorts in question and placing them directly against your nose and taking a deep whiff. I now advocate holding the suspect clothes 2 feet away and sniffing, and then moving them closer gradually, in 6 inch increments, checking the aroma at each interval.The 2 feet figure is correct for a half marathon, and becomes longer or shorter in proportion to the length of your latest run. For runs of18 miles or greater, it is best to ask your roommate or neighbor to perform the test. In other news, I just found the corn muffin that I was going to bring to the Brooklyn Half as part of a novel experiment invoving eating carbohydrates before a race. It was under a pair of pants, and I have tentatively slated it for tossing in the trash, as I don't think it will be edible on Sunday for the 30K. I will keep you all updated if I find anything else of interest or learn any more lessons this evening. Good night and good luck.

And the follow up:

Found: One Marathon Glove

I found one left-handed black marathon 5 boroughs glove during the ongoing excavation of my bedroom. I know that the right glove is lost. If somebody is in a complementary predicament please send me an email and we can unite my left glove with your right glove so that at least one of us will have a functioning pair.

And a response to a woman who announced she was unsubscribing to the group shortly after this post (this was several months after the marathon and many of us were still using the group to keep in touch and discuss offseason training and races):

"I understand you not wanting to get all of these irrelevant messages. So, should I just email you reports on my laundry situation directly? Does twice a day work for you?"

There was a flurry of emails about different marathons people were doing in early December, so I proposed this alternative for people who wanted to stay local:

Newer Marathon

For those of you New Yorkers who don't want to travel and don't like the idea of running outside in the cold weather and snow, I will be hosting an indoor marathon in the comfort of my studio apartment on the Upper East Side on Sunday December 18th. The race will consist of 7,685.33 18 foot loops around my coffee table. There will be water and gatorade stops on either side of the table (every 9 feet). Due to space restrictions the entry field will be limited to 5 people. Typical weather, thanks to an overzealous radiator, is 88 degrees Fahrenheit (31 degrees Celsius). There is no qualifying time, entrantswill be admitted on a first come first first served basis, so apply early. Coach Alem will be on hand with his bullhorn to shout encouraging words. More details to follow...